The Denver Police Department is gearing up for something big. Their purchases include riot gear, helmets, masks, body armor, and clubs. Surely this is just for the DNC you say.
There have been rumors and reports of outbreaks in the Denver area. These include the recent childrens bible camp breakout, and serveral encounders with undead homeless.
Link to article on local 9 News
This Zombie tactical assault vehicle was spotted in Kansas of all places. It’s plausible that it is in fact used as a storm chaser, but this would be a proper tactical vehicle for patrolling an area overrun with zombies. 
Similar vehicles are seen during purges, but significant work is done to keep these out of the public eye.
Keep an eye out for outbreaks in regional areas, as clues like this may indicate something bigger is going on.
This outbreak is being covered up as a common stomach virous outbreak. Our sources say that about a several (unconfirmed) children turned zombies had to be eradicated in this outbreak. This outbreak is especially dangerous as it is difficult for any person with a heart, even zombie specialists, to cull zombified children. Often parents are unwilling to let go during such a tradgedy.
The camp has been closed and scrubbed, however there is speculation that not all cases were reported. Officials are examining camp records to make sure that all souls are accounted for.
The camp nurse’s journal was recovered, and while it is currently classified and unavailible to the public, our source says that a child reported to the nurse after being bitten while swimming in a restricted pond.
The exact source of the bite is still undetermined and the area will remain under quarantine for an unspecified time.
Newslinks:
Under the presupposition of limiting outbreaks of gang violence, the DC government has set up roadblock limiting the entry and exit into certain outbreak high risk areas.
Zombie outbreak history has lent evidence that low income neighborhoods are at higher risk due to a multitude of factors, including, gang communication, poor hygiene, violence, and increased interpersonal exposure to the possibly infected furthermore, homes in these high risk areas are often crowded and have offered only limited barriers to infection.
Sources have indicated that this event is in fact a precautionary reaction to a small outbreak that was quelled quickly, however there is strong evidence to support fears that there may still be some undead, still lurking about. In the event of a small outbreak, the first steps are often containment first, and then eradication of the contingent, and checkpoints are quickly set up, followed by sweeps. Areas that already suffer high levels of criminal violence often are difficult to sweep, as citizens are typically hesitant to report surviving zombies. There is the added challenge of violence and crime directed at the anti-zombie personell.
Officials have offered the usual explanation of high levels of toxic chemicals in the environment as cause of a rash of violent criminal outbreaks. This is a de facto ’swamp gas’ solution tactic borrowed from the Air Force’s example of hiding their experiments.
This outbreak should be considered as serious. Even as it has been quelled, there is evidence to indicate stragglers. Outbreaks in highly populated regions multiply threat factors and are to be taken very seriously as they could quickly spread (reference zombie spread patterns). Moreover, the proximity to our capital proves and added danger as it would effectively cut off the head of our state, causing mass confusion were the outbreak to flare up in an uncontrollable manner.
newslinks:
DC police turn back cars at weekend checkpoint
Class Action Filed Over Checkpoints
Posted from Firefox News
06/03/2008
Climate Change, Wacky Weather, and Zombies!
The world around us is changing. Doomsayers from the late twentieth century said global warming would cause drastic changes sometime before the end of the twenty-first. “The Day After Tomorrow” scenarios aside, those predictions appear to be coming true much more rapidly than previously thought. The polar ice caps continue to shrink, and may already be past the tipping point where enough ice has melted that the extra dark surface area of the exposed water will actually increase the melt rate (the albedo effect). A highly active hurricane season has been predicted for 2008, by scientists using a new computer modeling system. Already a major cyclone has killed more than 100,000 people, and we’re on track to be the deadliest tornado season in at least a decade. The future isn’t any prettier: as the weather worsens, agriculture must change rapidly to keep up, turning to unprepared northern climates to recapture the same environment that was found in the Midwest and the southern parts of the U.S. for centuries before. The zombie army will be close behind, so we’d better hurry. Worse, with higher rates of starvation due to the broken food supply chain, the zombies will be numerous and hungry. We must find a way to use this to our advantage.
First, we must address the issue of global warming. Climate change has been the elephant in the dining room for years, with plenty of people denying the smell and shouting around it. Sadly for the naysayers, and alas for the rest of us, the elephant never budged. With the world rapidly tilting into climate destruction, we’re going to have to employ our zombies more effectively. Giant zombie armies will have to be harnessed, not just to home treadmills, but giant hamster wheels of undead, built to power cities. The expense in fresh brains will be nearly prohibitive, but industry always says change will bring high costs, and thus should be encouraged to donate the grey matter of various CEOs to the cause. With a smaller reliance on fossil fuels, the continued production of greenhouse gases will be eased. As the U.S. Congress is trying to pass legislation dropping these emissions, this would be a gain both financially and politically, especially if other countries can be encouraged by example to utilize their own zombies.
Zombie power should also be utilized to help undo the damage already caused by global warming. The pallid zombie complexion will assist in restoring the albedo, but more drastic steps should also be taken. Zombies must be armed with aluminum-hued spray paint and taught to paint large uninhabited swathes of the planet to be more reflective. (Non-aerosol paint will be used, of course!) Meanwhile, zombie-powered freezers should be employed to generate ice as fast as possible in order to replace the lost ice from the polar regions. Of course, care should be taken not to introduce the zombies too closely to the remaining polar bears, as zombie polar bears would just be silly.
Hurricanes and tornados are a different problem. Scientists have tried to model systems where hurricanes are disrupted before making landfall, although nothing has yet been put into practice. Theoretically, the forces which produce hurricanes could be disrupted by the use of dark soot or even a larger reflective surface released near or over the site.
Zombies, equipped with giant foil wings, could be released to glide over the area of the storm to reflect sunlight to heat the ocean at just the right location. Tornados would be more difficult, as they are much harder to predict. Towns would have to be equipped with their own anti-tornado zombies, which would be set to spin at a high speed counter to the spin of the actual tornado, but until early warning systems can be better developed, this remains a sad fantasy.
In the meantime, weather is something most people will have to react to rather than change. Every household needs to have a set of emergency plans in place, practiced, and ready to initiate, for whatever crazy weather pattern comes. Midwesterners already know they live in Tornado Alley, but not everyone has a basement or shelter. When work or school practices tornado drills, take some time that same day to prepare your own home in case of a sudden twister. Find the safe spot, be it in the basement or in an enclosed, internal room. Make sure there are no easily-tipped shelves or projectiles in the safe spot. Redecorate if necessary. Store your jump kit there, complete with flashlight, batteries, weather radio, and a means to stay comfortable while conditions persist. (Weather radios are often available through your local authorities. Ask.)
Earthquake-prone areas have regular drills and emergency supplies, but more areas are earthquake-prone than you might think. The recent quakes in Illinois should be a wakeup call for anyone who mocks Californians because “they’re all going to fall into the ocean” [sic]. Earthquake kits are similar to jump kits, with extra fresh water and food supplies. Check out your home for the earthquake-safest area, even if you don’t like in quake country. Doorways away from doors, windows and mirrors are best.
Areas with yearly blizzards generally prepare as soon as the weather forecaster says “Snow,” buying up diapers and toilet paper and settling in. Make sure you have a backup source of heat should the primary power go out, keep the blankets handy, and find ways of staying warm and keeping entertained. When roads are bad, don’t drive unless you have to; one less driver on a packed, icy highway is one less potential dead body, and while we do want to keep the zombie population at a steady level, that isn’t the way.
Hurricanes bear similarities to all of the above preparations, with some added warning time. Tropical storms are sighted days before they reach ground in the U.S., although the trajectories are sometimes hard to pinpoint. As before, preparation is key, but sometimes that preparation is only, “Get out fast.” This isn’t useful when one has no way to get out. Still, a jump kit and a pair of walking shoes are better than nothing, so if you cannot set aside anything else in terms of preparations, try to invest in those.
What about climate change? Well, if the models are correct, northern climates are going top be the new temperate zone. Are you looking to make a move in the near future? Consider Minnesota, or Ontario. Sure, the winters are cold there now, but when the Great American Desert spreads from California to Virginia, things will still be bearable in the northern U.S. and Canada. Also, Canada has 20% of the world’s potable water supply, which is going to be an important consideration as climate change disrupts the normal distribution networks of fresh water. Learning French would not be a bad idea.
As ever, we cannot rely on zombies to save us from our own past and present follies. While an argument can be made that some of the current climate issues and resultant weather is a result of regular cycles (the hurricane season is predicted on the basis of the current La Nina situation) the accumulation of greenhouse gasses, the chemically-driven destruction of the atmosphere, and the warming of the oceans all come right back to us. We’re going to have to deal with what we’ve done and look for solutions, preferably before the zombies beat us to Saskatoon.
Posted from The Kalamazoo Gazette
Sunday, June 01, 2008
1. Keep cool. Max Brooks, writer about zombies, says the undead “are a very stoppable horror. … They’re slow, and they’re dumb, and you can totally take them out if you know what you’re doing and keep a cool head and do all the right things. But if you screw up and get into panic and irrational fear, then you can be overwhelmed.”
2. Destroy the head. Use a simple weapon like a baseball bat, shovel or “lobo” (short for lobotomizer, the chief weapon in Brooks’ book “World War Z”). “Really, the idea is not to panic,” Brooks said. “As I say, use your head and cut off theirs.”
3. Don’t rely on guns. You’ll have a problem when you run out of ammo. “How many bullets are you going to be able to cram into the pockets of your cargo pants? Just use a machete, use an ax, use something you can keep using over and over again,” he said.
4. Look for all the danger signs — gray complexion, putrefaction, tendency to moan. “Don’t be proactively zombie killing,” Brooks warned. “You can’t tell the difference between a zombie and a frat boy when he’s drunk. You don’t want the cops rolling up on you with a pile of the Zeta Zeta Zetas all dead and say, `No, officer, I thought they were zombies.”’